Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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