You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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