wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
