she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
