margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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