grandma shit on top of the toilet
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
