Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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