just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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