bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
