Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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