Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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