at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
