Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
