when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
