Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
