this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
