I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
