Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
