He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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