he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
