I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
