What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
