I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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