Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
