as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
