Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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