biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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