i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
