My room smells like vodka and shame
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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