I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
