Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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