ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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