my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
