there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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