I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
