hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
