I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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