she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
