the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
