I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
