Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
