I just threw up on my dentist
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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