i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
