so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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