I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Randomize
