so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
