alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
