I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
