The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
