yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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