Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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