When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Do vagina's smell?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
