Kiss
Puke
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
