Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
