Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
