I will die if light touches me.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
