Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
