Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
