Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
