This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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