you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
