Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize