About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
