did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
