I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
