Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
