Screwed.edu
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
