No subtext here. People are naked.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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