maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
