i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just cut my nipple shaving
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
