I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
