He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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