I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
